He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
