In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
