I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
