you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
