I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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