I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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