I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
