do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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