I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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