And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
