I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
