I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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