also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
