Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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