He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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