I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
