Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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