she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
