Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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