Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
