I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
