Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
