I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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