He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
