Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
