I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
