pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
