I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
