...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
