I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize