the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
