I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
