It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
