apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
