Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
