I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
