My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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