he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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