Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
