sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
