Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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