i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
