roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
