Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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