ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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