Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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