I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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