My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
