a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
