They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
