My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
