Redeem this text for a blowjob
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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