she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
