I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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