and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
