Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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