In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
