I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
