the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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