it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
