she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
