Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
