She said her name was "party"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
