I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
