I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
