My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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