butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
